Saying Goodbye to 2012

Wow I was shocked and amazed that I haven't written a blog post in a year and a half.  Reading that blog post written in August of 2011 was a hard thing to do.  I seemed so happy then...who knew that 2012 was going to bring so much heartache and a loss of myself. 

Much of it had to do with NB...wow at that time he was still a new boyfriend but even in writing that post I should have seen the things coming that did...I just was blind to them because I was so in love.  Don't get me wrong I will always hold a special place in my heart for NB and I don't think he's a bad person.  We just learnt over time (it took me quite a bit longer than him) that we don't mesh well.  I mean we do as a couple...but as a blended family and having to deal with an ex-girlfriend/mother of his child was more than this girl could handle.  She hated the fact that me and NB were dating from day one and was not silent about it...she even went so far as telling their son that he did not have to listen to me or even respect me or acknowledge my existence. 

I can look at all the reasons why we can't or shouldn't be together and wholeheartedly think that me and my boy are so much better off just the two of us...but it's hard.  It's so hard when you meet that someone that you connect with on a level that you have never before connected with someone...yet outside circumstances prevented us from being truly happy. 

I'm still trying not to dwell on the "what ifs" and the "should haves" or "could haves" and just be me again.  I bent over backwards trying to be the best girlfriend to NB and a friend to his son...so much so that at times I know my own boy resented me...not to mention the fact I completely forgot the little things in life that make ME smile.

I have spent the better part of five years in a relationship - this one pursued me just weeks after me and my ex broke up (and the ex and I were together for 3 years) and when all was said and done NB and I did see our two year anniversary though it was rocky by that time at best.  I have been single in the past.  In fact after my boy was born I spent 6 years with no real relationships...so yes it can be done.  But I find myself so lonely at times that I just want to call him up and beg him to come 'home'.  Fact is that won't solve anything and I can't and won't be at his beck and call as I have been in the past. 

When I reflect on the last year it's one big blur because honestly it was so drama filled and just not fun.  So here's to 2013 being the best year yet...no more heartache, no more tears!

It has been wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy too long

It has been so long since I've blogged I hardly know where to begin.

We are having a very enjoyable Summer and I hope you all are too. You as in all my readers, which I'm hoping I still have! lol.

Not much is new with me - things in my love life are going very well. New boyfriend and I have been together almost a year - wow how time flies....I guess he needs a new nickname cause he's not really "new" anymore.

We get along as a family for the most part but blending sure is hard. I find NB spoils the crap out of his son and treats him like a baby...which gets on my nerves since the child is 7 years old...but I know there's things I do as a parent that bug NB too...so we're working through it all.

The boy has been at my mom's since July 25th and although it's been a nice break I miss him like crazy. He'll be flying home all alone one week from today...this will be one nervous mama until his plane lands and I have him in my arms!

In other news...my baby is no longer a baby and is entering 5th grade this year...wow I can hardly believe it. This will be his last year in elementary - next year it's on to middle school. Where does the time go??!??!!

I really can't think of anything else to write about...I'm such a sucky blogger these days.

Almost Wordless Wednesday

Aren't they cute? This would be the boy and NB's boy "T". They fight like cats and dogs somedays but at the end of the day look how much they love each other...lol.

A Love Letter of Sorts

In this day and age does anyone ever really pick up pen and paper and write love letters? I bet it still happens...but I also bet it's pretty rare.

Yesterday I received a pretty sweet text from NB (new boyfriend....it's been six months wonder when I should drop the "N") and I want a record of it before my phone goes and automatically deletes it after a period of time...so here it is:

I can't wait to see you...I love you for so many reasons.

I love you cause you make me happy without doing a thing.

I love you for the way you make my son smile and his face light up.

I love you for understanding my relationship with a crazy bitch (most of the time)

I love you for being a gamer...lol.

I love you cause you hold me when I'm sleeping and make the bad dreams go away.

You're the love of my life, the one I want to be with forever.

I could go on but I won't just know this...I love you for alot of reasons.

Isn't that just too cute? Btw, the crazy bitch he's referring to is his son's mother - it's been a rollercoaster dealing with her...but we're getting through it.

Goings on

I was all set to come here and post the pics I have of the boy and his very first science fair project...but the pics still sit on my camera...maybe I'll come back later and post them. He got a silver ribbon and I was very proud of him because he did it all by himself. He was stressing towards the end because he was falling behind but still didn't want to bring it home so I could help him. He's very interested in our solar system so that's the topic he chose to research.

In other news he received an award for "most outstanding student" for the 2nd year in a row. Last year his gym teacher chose him (each teacher gets to choose a student or two) because he made such great progress with his athletics and was listening better in class. This year his 4th grade teacher chose him because he has had great attendance! I'm very proud of him. As a reward we get to go to a hockey game for free. That will take place on March 27th.

Almost Wordless Wednesday

Time to share a pic of me and NB...it's a crappy pic and the only one I have of us in our (almost) 5 months together and those of you that are on my FB have probably seen it...but either way...here it is...lol.

Happy Wednesday Peeps...I hope you the sun is shining in your world (both figuratively and literally) like it is here in mine!

Okay so 2 pics lol. I look better in the 2nd one but what is up with the look on his face? haha.

I'm still alive

I don't even know how long it's been since I've blogged...I guess this part of my life has kind of taken a back seat...that makes me sad! I miss my bloggy friends!

Me and the NB (new boyfriend) are still going strong...4 months yesterday. He's so easy to be with and easy to be around and although I figured there would be way more issues within our relationship because he also has a child...I have got to say that there have been absolutely none...we haven't even really had a disagreement.

Some of you that are long time readers know how different this is from my last relationship...we fought ALL OF THE TIME...and it drained me to no end.

We are planning a road trip in the Summer (kidfree) and I really can't wait...it may be too soon to say so....but I'm thinking he could be "the one".