Hard...But Very Rewarding...and Other Random Happenings

The boyfriend and I quit smoking 2 weeks ago today...though there have been a couple of slip ups on both our parts I feel overall we are doing fantastic. Most days I don't even have the craving anymore if I just don't think about it. My biggest downfall by far is being around other smokers. It doesn't happen often since the only one I really know that smokes is the boyfriend's mom and she's already agreed that when she comes for Easter dinner on the weekend she'll smoke outside.

In other news, my mom and nephew came for a visit this past weekend. We had a great time and it was nice to have another little one hanging around. The boyfriend was adamant that we just had to keep my nephew cause he was sooooooooooo cute...okay, I get it...he's not a puppy though lol.

I will share some pics of the cutie cousins playing together tomorrow for Wordless Wednesday.

We've had some great weather the past few days and it's starting to feel like Summer already. The boy will be playing baseball for the first time through our community club beginning in just a few weeks, though he plays everyday at daycare when the weather is nice so it's not something totally new...and he's quite good at it...the warmer temps have gotten the boyfriend excited about finding a glove of his own and practising with the boy...so we'll be on the hunt this weekend for some adult size baseball gloves.

I haven't even started thinking about Easter nevermind shopping for it...so I better get on that!

Likely the Hardest Thing I've Ever had to Do

The boyfriend and I have decided it's time to quit smoking...I've always been a "light" smoker...as in I smoke less per day than any smoker I know and have even gone days without having one...but the fact of the matter is I always knew I could light up whenever I wanted to and that's what got me through. But a year ago when the boyfriend started smoking (again) I found we were both smoking more and more...and lately it's hard to make ends meet because we are spending so much money on cigarettes...

Smoking for me has always been like a long lost friend...I enjoy it...immensely. I like the taste and the smell and it gives me something to do with my hands. But there are major health risks and I for one want to be around to watch the boy grow old and maybe some day get married and have kids of his own...so I knew quitting smoking was in my/our best interest.

Today is day 2. I've got a cold and a killer sore throat...so I'm sure that is helping things along. But I found yesterday that the only time I really craved a smoke was when I was relaxed and it was late at night...instead I chose to stuff my face full of barbeque peanuts lol. So am I destined to gain a little weight while we jump this hurdle...probably...but I think in the end it will be worth it.

So wish us luck please! The boyfriend is using the patch and I'm going 'cold turkey'.

Wordless Wednesday

Reflection

Have you ever sat and reflected on your life? Ever reach a certain age and think to yourself "Am I where I thought I'd be in life by this age?"

I find myself doing that alot lately...perhaps it's the fact that my 30th birthday is fast approaching...perhaps it's the fact that the boy will soon be 9 years old...and I just always thought I'd have accomplished so much more as he grew older.

Don't get me wrong...I am proud of the things I have accomplished in life. I love my job and have definitely chosen the right career path...I also love the boy more than words can ever say and I marvel at how smart he is each and every single day...not to mention he's kind and thoughtful. I love the boyfriend and that will never change regardless of our different views on where our lives are going. We know we'll be together...but will our relationship ever move from where we are today? That question remains unanswered.

But as I watched Molly and Jason (yes the cheesy Bachelor special that I of course had to tune into) wed last night I couldn't help but feel sad...sad for the things I've never experienced in life and maybe never will. I always saw myself with a houseful of children...not just one...though I am grateful for him, there are many that struggle with infertility and never get to have that one child they yearn for. I also always thought I'd be swept away...relationships are full of romance and fun and excitement...they aren't hard...or at least that's what we are led to believe as little girls...

The harsh reality is...I haven't accomplished any of the goals I've had for myself...the boyfriend and I aren't married and as time goes on I wonder if it's just not meant to be that way...it's not a priority for him...this I knew when I met him...so why did I settle?

There are no talks of future children even though I've always wanted more...I mean yes, there is the "maybe someday" sort of talks...but nothing serious...again I wonder when I decided that was okay with me....or is it really...

Yes, some deep thoughts today...bear with me...I hope to sort it all out but the truth is I really feel like I've been jipped...like the plan I had in mind for myself for the past 30 years was stolen from me...like I may always feel like something is missing...it's a struggle somedays to get through life...but I always remind myself that we are happy and healthy and there are some out there that don't even have a roof over their heads or food in their belly...so although I feel at a loss as far as where my life is headed and what my purpose here on earth really is...I do know that I am thankful for what I do have.

Back to Regularly Scheduled Programming

Do you have what the media is referring to as an "olympic hangover" - defined by Urban Dictionary as: A feeling of utter tiredness in the morning hours because of staying up too late watching the Olympics on television.

Let me tell you the past 2 weeks I've stayed up entirely too late watching figure skating, hockey, skiing, snowboarding...you name it...I watched it. It's funny because I've never really gotten into the olympics much before...but having it here in Canada and the boy being right at the age where watching sports is super cool...and well the boyfriend is into it too...I really quite enjoyed watching all the events. It helps that Canada was dominant in winning gold...such a rush of excitement each and every time!

Oh and that hockey game yesterday...this wouldn't be an olympic post without mentioning that...were you on the edge of your seat...biting your nails...heart beating fast...as the game went into overtime??? I know I was! But our Canadian boys showed those American boys just whose sport HOCKEY really is!!!

Oh and I thought it hilarious that in the closing ceremonies something was said along the lines of "well what did you think...Canada was one giant Frozen Tundra?"...in reference to the warm weather we've had in British Columbia...of all the Canadian cities/provinces to pick to host the games they just had to choose the one that doesn't even get winter...unlike here in Winterpeg...

So now that I won't be up all hours of the night watching the games...I hope to get back to regular blogging...but of course tonight I'll be tuning in to the Bachelor as Jake chooses between Vienna and Tenley...I bet it's a great (albeit dramatic) ending to this season...have you seen the magazines at the checkout in your local grocery store??? I caught a glimpse the other day and boy if they're right...well I may just have to quit watching...haha...as if!