So...as far back as I can remember..I was 'that skinny girl'...you know the kind. Great metabolism, ate anything and everything and always stayed teeny tiny. Until I hit about 17 and put on a few pounds. But what happened then is something I am trying desperately to avoid now. I had an eating disorder. Anorexia is what they call it. I starved myself for days on end and was obsessed with how much I weighed. In fact the day I went to the doctor for a pregnancy test (when I was 20 years old) I weighed in at 103 pounds...on my 5'7 frame that was WAY underweight. I wore a size 0 and was very proud of it.
After I gave birth to the boy...I vowed never ever to weigh myself (or at least never to let it become an obsession. I was up to 170 pounds with my pregnancy and after giving birth was approximately 140. I was not happy at that weight but grew to love my body regardless. Through exercise and diet I got myself back down to a healthy 125. The last time I weighed myself at the boyfriend's mom's house (to this day I don't own a scale) I was up to 145 and that was a HUGE shock to me (I blame the boyfriend...it's all that 'falling in love fat' that got me! lol). I had a little mini-freak out but decided to start an exercise routine. I'm up to 3 to 4 days a week but hope to increase that...
It's so hard not running out and buying a scale...but I can't let this become an obsession again. I can't let it become so unhealthy that I dream about the numbers on the scale and deprive myself of the food that I need.
I put a pair of pants on yesterday...they are a size 4...even though I'm about double that in actuality (I buy my pants at this cool store "Ricki's"...sorry to all you Americans but I think it's only Canadian...and the sizes are awesome!...me a size 8 can get into a size 4..so I vowed only to buy pants there haha)...anyways...I have these disgusting love handles...something I've never experienced before! My stomach is pretty toned but my sides have these disgusting rolls...I'd give anything to learn how the heck to get rid of those!!!!
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3 comments:
I'm sorry! I know that is HARD!! I too struggle with my body and my body image... I am OBSESSED with it and its unhealthy, but I have no self control, so I am not where I want to be... One of my bff's was anorexic and it still gets her sometimes... I know she struggles often! Stay healthy! You are tall, so 145 probabbly looks good on you! The love handles? I gotz them and am struggling to get rid of them... I think bycycle crunches help....
We are the same height and Im 154 (last weeks weigh-in)....now you know why I am adamant that I have to lose weight. I am bigger now than I was after I had Madi.
Try not to get too obsessed over this though. taller people can carry their weight well so noone ever guesses your correct weight. lol
HEY you have the box!
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