So what defines a relationship these days? I have been seeing T now for 2 months yet I wonder if he would call me his girlfriend and/or if I should be referring to him as my boyfriend and not just "the guy I'm seeing". I'm in no rush to define things...but at the same time we've hung with each other's families...spent the last 5 nights together...our boys fight like siblings yet are the best of friends...sure feels like a relationship...
I find myself thinking some pretty deep thoughts...I don't question that I'm happy cause he really is the sweetest, kindest, most considerate man I've ever been with...I just wonder if I'm ready...but who am I to sabotage a good thing just because the timing might not be quite right! Right?
The built in 'family' suits me quite nice...it's really the first time I've dated a guy that has partial custody of his child (week on, week off) - I love his little boy and I can tell he's growing quite fond of me too...wanting to show me all kinds of things that he thinks are neat and cool. I've heard many step-parenting woes through the years and can imagine that if this relationship continues to get serious we will have our ups and downs where that is concerned...but honestly I feel like I'm up for the challenge...
Can I just say that the sexiest thing is watching a man be an outstanding father! Oh and it doesn't hurt he can cook too! lol.
In other news we are gearing up for Halloween - must carve pumpkin...maybe tonight! The boy has his costume and will be dressing up as "Rex" from Star Wars...he's a clone trooper if you didn't know...not to be confused with a storm trooper...as the boy would say.
School is still going well. My boy continues to amaze me with his participation is extra curricular activities at school. Currently he's in handball and is still enjoying being a patrol crosser.
I guess that's my update for now...I would like to promise that I will blog more regularly...but life keeps getting in the way...I hope I still have some readers!
Showing posts with label deep thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label deep thoughts. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Reflection
Have you ever sat and reflected on your life? Ever reach a certain age and think to yourself "Am I where I thought I'd be in life by this age?"
I find myself doing that alot lately...perhaps it's the fact that my 30th birthday is fast approaching...perhaps it's the fact that the boy will soon be 9 years old...and I just always thought I'd have accomplished so much more as he grew older.
Don't get me wrong...I am proud of the things I have accomplished in life. I love my job and have definitely chosen the right career path...I also love the boy more than words can ever say and I marvel at how smart he is each and every single day...not to mention he's kind and thoughtful. I love the boyfriend and that will never change regardless of our different views on where our lives are going. We know we'll be together...but will our relationship ever move from where we are today? That question remains unanswered.
But as I watched Molly and Jason (yes the cheesy Bachelor special that I of course had to tune into) wed last night I couldn't help but feel sad...sad for the things I've never experienced in life and maybe never will. I always saw myself with a houseful of children...not just one...though I am grateful for him, there are many that struggle with infertility and never get to have that one child they yearn for. I also always thought I'd be swept away...relationships are full of romance and fun and excitement...they aren't hard...or at least that's what we are led to believe as little girls...
The harsh reality is...I haven't accomplished any of the goals I've had for myself...the boyfriend and I aren't married and as time goes on I wonder if it's just not meant to be that way...it's not a priority for him...this I knew when I met him...so why did I settle?
There are no talks of future children even though I've always wanted more...I mean yes, there is the "maybe someday" sort of talks...but nothing serious...again I wonder when I decided that was okay with me....or is it really...
Yes, some deep thoughts today...bear with me...I hope to sort it all out but the truth is I really feel like I've been jipped...like the plan I had in mind for myself for the past 30 years was stolen from me...like I may always feel like something is missing...it's a struggle somedays to get through life...but I always remind myself that we are happy and healthy and there are some out there that don't even have a roof over their heads or food in their belly...so although I feel at a loss as far as where my life is headed and what my purpose here on earth really is...I do know that I am thankful for what I do have.
I find myself doing that alot lately...perhaps it's the fact that my 30th birthday is fast approaching...perhaps it's the fact that the boy will soon be 9 years old...and I just always thought I'd have accomplished so much more as he grew older.
Don't get me wrong...I am proud of the things I have accomplished in life. I love my job and have definitely chosen the right career path...I also love the boy more than words can ever say and I marvel at how smart he is each and every single day...not to mention he's kind and thoughtful. I love the boyfriend and that will never change regardless of our different views on where our lives are going. We know we'll be together...but will our relationship ever move from where we are today? That question remains unanswered.
But as I watched Molly and Jason (yes the cheesy Bachelor special that I of course had to tune into) wed last night I couldn't help but feel sad...sad for the things I've never experienced in life and maybe never will. I always saw myself with a houseful of children...not just one...though I am grateful for him, there are many that struggle with infertility and never get to have that one child they yearn for. I also always thought I'd be swept away...relationships are full of romance and fun and excitement...they aren't hard...or at least that's what we are led to believe as little girls...
The harsh reality is...I haven't accomplished any of the goals I've had for myself...the boyfriend and I aren't married and as time goes on I wonder if it's just not meant to be that way...it's not a priority for him...this I knew when I met him...so why did I settle?
There are no talks of future children even though I've always wanted more...I mean yes, there is the "maybe someday" sort of talks...but nothing serious...again I wonder when I decided that was okay with me....or is it really...
Yes, some deep thoughts today...bear with me...I hope to sort it all out but the truth is I really feel like I've been jipped...like the plan I had in mind for myself for the past 30 years was stolen from me...like I may always feel like something is missing...it's a struggle somedays to get through life...but I always remind myself that we are happy and healthy and there are some out there that don't even have a roof over their heads or food in their belly...so although I feel at a loss as far as where my life is headed and what my purpose here on earth really is...I do know that I am thankful for what I do have.
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